The Not So Bummer Summer: Part the First

China: Land of Many People

Since the only people who read my blog are my family, who I stay in touch with anyways, I've decided to not feel guilty about not writing on my blog for several months. However, since my blog is the only form of journaling I do I've decided that it is far past time that I repent and update my "journal". People keep telling me that my kids will care about this one day...we'll see...

At the end of April I made my historic trip to china. Traveling was uneventful, thank goodness. However I would suggest that the next time you plan on taking a 13 hour flight, you do so with a buddy. Not because of the reasons you may be thinking, but because when you have been sitting next to a big sweaty Asian man for over 10 hours and his shoulder begins to look real comfy, you know your in trouble. After arriving safely on the opposite side of the world, I felt pretty lucky that they even let me into the country. When the man at customs looks at your entry visa with a quizzical look you start to panic. I had not completed the entry papers they give you to fill out either. Without my sister-in-law to tell me where I would be spending the majority of my visit, or what my hosts contact information was, I was left to doodle in pictures of a stick-figure family and a miniature picture of china with a star in the general vicinity of the lower right half. I guess China really must be improving its foreign relations (or just getting really lax) because they let me in! I feel pretty bless to speak the one language the rest of the world thinks is the bomb.com because there was enough English in the airport for me to find my luggage and the terminal that my brother and future sister-in-law would be coming in on. After happy reunions were made I was introduced to Evelyn's mother and we made the two hour drive to her apartment in Wuxi (pronounced woo-she).

The first thing that Evelyn's Family took care of was to feed us. They never stopped. If you think I'm kidding let me give you the fact that in the two weeks I was there I gained almost 20 pounds...no joke. After about 5 days there, Evelyn's mom commented on how I had gained a ruddy glow to my cheeks from such healthy eating. It makes me giggle to think back on it and remember how hard it was to be polite and continue eating all that was given to me when I first got there. By the end I could have given any sumo (yes I know I'm making a Japanese reference in a post about china, get over it) a run for his money. Boy the food was good! I finally understand what all the RMs are complaining about when they say that american chines food just isn't the same. My favorite thing there is this dumpling like things that is unique to the area we were in. They are similar to a wanton wrapper around a ball of some kind of seasoned pork meat, but you bite a small hole in the bottom and drink the juice from the cooked meat inside before eating the meat and pastry. Oh it makes my mouth water just thinking of them. They rocked! You cant go to china without trying some of the weird and disturbing things they call delicacies. Some that I am great-full to have tried but pray I never come across again would include:

-chickens feet

-black chickens feet

-Pigs feet

-any kind of animals feet

-shark

-squid on a stick

-other assorted aquatic animals best left in the ocean

We had the chance to see some pretty cool sites including a Buddhist temple and an old water garden of some emperor from some dynasty. The rest of our time was spent shopping and preparing/having Matt's and Evelyn's wedding. I mean that is why we where there in the first place! The night before me and Matt had to leave to a hotel. The reason being that the promenade of the groom to get his bride is a big deal. The photographers, both still and video, met us at the hotel and many shots were staged...I mean taken...Matt had to put a corsage on me and me on him. The ceremonial bedspread and decorations had to be arranged. If you look at the photos or the video it looks like I did a lot more work then I did. I love getting credit for things I have nothing to do with! After there were 6 black, decorated luxury vehicles at the hotel to take us to Evelyn's house. I'm pretty sure they hired professional stunt drivers, because as the photographers in the other vehicles wove in and out of traffic on the other side of the road (quite a feat in china's traffic) to get their shots of the car me and Matt were traveling in, I swear I could see a glint of a smile in the other drivers eye as he narrowly escaped death several times. As the angles on the other side made feet of free air magically appear were there should by reason have been no free air around the cars, We all arrived safely to Evelyn's house to have our presence announced with fireworks of the loud variety. It was at that moment that I began to understand the party and extravagance that I was in for at this wedding. Oh yes this was going to be fun! From there I watched Matt bargain his way through the doors. Bargain, bribe its all the same right? he had conveniently been given gift money to bribe his way through the doors by Evelyn's mom the night before. For some reason I still don't understand they excepted his shoulder shakes as dancing and his Barney "I love you" as acceptable singing to gain access to his bride. He did it wedding over...J/K. Next came the tea ceremony and the name changing ceremony. Matt gave tea to his in-laws and called them by their new names "Father" and "Mother" respectively, much picture staging...I mean taking was done and we left for the hotel were Evelyn performed the same ceremony to me. The grooms "family" had a lunch and by traditional Chinese wedding standards we were done. 

Lucky for us, this never ending post and the day, was just getting started!

Let me just say that Evelyn's mom sure knows how to through a party. The Western style part of the wedding began on the docs of the local lake. The entire thing was hosted by the same guy who does Iron Chef, at least I think it was the same guy. When the announcing of the brides mother coming to make a speech sounds like a Chines version of  Bob Barker announcing that your the next contestant on the price is right, it can get pretty confusing for us Americans to know when it is appropriate to laugh or be serious. I got it wrong several times. After the appropriate speeches and pictures were staged...I mean taken, we all climb into this beautifully decorated yacht. Matt walked down the aisle waving and confident. That was until he called for his bride to come and meet him at the "alter." Much silence and awkward cricket noises (provided by yours truly) greeted his profession of love and calling her forward. All hope was lost, it appeared that I was to be the sad witness to my brother being left at the alter. But wait, what is that in the distance? A large luxury boat with similar decorations is speeding strait to us. Some one is standing on the bow, who could it be. It's Evelyn and here father racing towards us, all to the soundtrack of my brother professing his love in the microphone calling her to him...appropriate pictures were staged...I mean taken. It was much like being in a movie. Evelyn got on our yacht and walked down the aisle. Vows were exchange with the help of Iron Chef man and kisses were given to seal the deal. The next part was the best because it was here that my speech was given. I gave it a lot of thought and decided that this would be one of the few times that I could express my love and well wishes to my brother on one of the biggest days of his life. My speech started like this, "Marriage, marriage is what brings us together today. That blissful arrangement, that dream within a dream..." I'm sure you can fill in the rest of my speech yourself. Yes that is really the speech I gave. Looking back on it and the tone I've used to describe the day I probably should have taken it all a little more seriously. But Matt enjoyed it and thought it was great and no one else there had any idea I was shamefully quoting a movie to be funny, if they even understood me, which 99% did not. Besides if the host gets to sound like a game show announcer why cant I quote a movie for my speech? Well after that it was eating and more eating until the boat landed and we got to go home. If I thought watching my brother potentially getting left at the alter was awkward imagine my red face was I rode back to the hotel with the newlyweds, and up in the same elevator, and walked to the door next to theirs. Ah the good moments in life.

Other grate moments from china include seeing Titanic in 3D, being stared at the entire time and not understanding completely why until it was about 10 days in that we finally saw other white people there, buying a pair of running shoes for 15 bucks, seeing a truer side of daily chines life then most tourist, being hit on by all the photographers at my brothers wedding, learning how Chines families potty train, and many more. There is no way that I can remember or relate all that I saw and experienced in China, and I'm sure this post is far too long to begin with. It truly was a wonderful experience for me and I cant even express how grateful I am to have gone. There are few indicators in my life that suggest such experiences will be common or even existent in my future life but I would love the chance to go again and hope that other trips and other countries (minus jet lag) lye in my future.